I've learned over the past few days just how difficult it is getting to be a yeller.
A Yeller? Yes. If you know me personally, you know I've always been quick to anger. I get it from my mother, who got it from her mother, I didn't know her mother so who knows where it started. I will be quite frank, the day before my period starts, Dan and I fight. This month it was a little different. Our fight was an argument and no one was outright mean. MAJOR accomplishment!!
I also pointed out it was near the end of the month and he backed off immediately. He took a need into consideration. MAJOR accomplishment! Another important aspect I've noticed is how seemingly difficult it is for me to yell. Oh I can still do it all right. No doubt about that. This time I noticed the bridle on the tongue David asked for from the Lord. This time I can hear the Lord telling me to stay quiet. In the past, I could kind of hear the Lord but I definitely ignored him. Practically saying, "Hold on God, just let me get this last piece out!" So I did. Nothing is rewarding when you ignore the words of the Lord. Nothing. Dan and I are both noticing how okay it is to have a disagreement, and how not okay it is to have an outright blowout. God is also showing both of us how to deal with it and share with each other in different ways frustrations, disagreements and needs.
"Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips." (NKJV Psalm 141:3)
I really, really, REALLY never thought I would see the day where using my words as fierce weapons would get difficult. It did. There's only GOD to thank for that one. It is Him doing a great work in ME for His good pleasure.
"For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure" (philippians 2:13 KJV)
ONE GOOD THING DAN DID YESTERDAY: HAD A WATER BATTLE WITH ALL THE KIDS OUTSIDE. I hope it helps him to build his relationship with them ;)
Monday, June 28, 2010
Monday, June 14, 2010
If My Heart Could Write
It would have written the exact prayer at the end of the first chapter in Praying Wife.
Most definitely written by a woman scarred from marriage. Except that wasn't the Lord's plan for us wives...to come together and share our scars from marriage. His plan is for us to teach each other how to make marriage work successfully...happily...joyfully...in harmony.
Can it happen? I wholeheartedly believe it can, it has already begin in our marriage.
The prayer started out like many other written-book-prayers. Believing in the words, lacking the emotion of reality. The end; however, a lump had grown in my throat and upon swallowing, the tears began. Not of saddness of the state of our marriage, our marriage is nothing to be sad about. I was rejoicing. How wonderful it is to know the very first chapter in this book was exactly what the Lord had already begun working in me.
The reality of the prayer and how it can transform one's marriage is amazing. The words spoke direcly to my heart:
"...overlooking each other's faults and weakeness for the greater good of the marriage." (p.45) How often I have picked apart the things that irritate me about my husband, longing for the days when everything he did was cute. Returning to that life is easier than I thought. Just don't say anything. Yes, initially it's difficult...he knows I'm working on it and thankfully he appreciates my efforts. We'll just smile and eventually it leads to laughter. God is tranforming us. Certainly me complaining to my husband wasn't a help, laying my issues at the cross of Christ helps. Immensely.
I would like to devote today in reflection of the prayers I had written in the book.
Tomorrow, I start a new chapter in the book. HIS WORK. While I respect my husband for working, while he's not a workaholic, while he's not a lazy man, we still need help in this arena and how to deal with the demands of his job...together, as one.
Most definitely written by a woman scarred from marriage. Except that wasn't the Lord's plan for us wives...to come together and share our scars from marriage. His plan is for us to teach each other how to make marriage work successfully...happily...joyfully...in harmony.
Can it happen? I wholeheartedly believe it can, it has already begin in our marriage.
The prayer started out like many other written-book-prayers. Believing in the words, lacking the emotion of reality. The end; however, a lump had grown in my throat and upon swallowing, the tears began. Not of saddness of the state of our marriage, our marriage is nothing to be sad about. I was rejoicing. How wonderful it is to know the very first chapter in this book was exactly what the Lord had already begun working in me.
The reality of the prayer and how it can transform one's marriage is amazing. The words spoke direcly to my heart:
"...overlooking each other's faults and weakeness for the greater good of the marriage." (p.45) How often I have picked apart the things that irritate me about my husband, longing for the days when everything he did was cute. Returning to that life is easier than I thought. Just don't say anything. Yes, initially it's difficult...he knows I'm working on it and thankfully he appreciates my efforts. We'll just smile and eventually it leads to laughter. God is tranforming us. Certainly me complaining to my husband wasn't a help, laying my issues at the cross of Christ helps. Immensely.
I would like to devote today in reflection of the prayers I had written in the book.
Tomorrow, I start a new chapter in the book. HIS WORK. While I respect my husband for working, while he's not a workaholic, while he's not a lazy man, we still need help in this arena and how to deal with the demands of his job...together, as one.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Assessing our Needs
This morning I began the workbook section of the study. I'm really going to like this.
I will continue with that I highlighted in chapter one yesterday. Between discussing what I have marked accompanied by the questions in the workbook, my thought process in my marriage is going to be transformed!
But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
I can't imagine someone having a more critical attitude than I do. I know someone is out there...but I needn't find them. I need to change mine. I desire to be the former owner of a critcal attitude. God is already working in me. When I want to be critical, I can hear the wonderful whisper of our Father guiding me in the right direction. Do I always choose the right path? NO. But God knows our hearts and he knows where my heart wants to go. Each time it gets a little easier. Satan knows my weakspots and I've allowed him to nest in there thinking it's okay because I'm doing it all in the name of love. Wrong again.
There is a time to speak and a time to remail silent.
Silent? How in earth is my husband going to change if I don't tell him how do it? Happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two. Again, what a learning experience! I have taken these concerns to my Father. Yes, he's not working on Dan...it's ME. I always knew I could use some changing; however, I really knew my husband could benefit from his own changing as well.
But hard as it may seem, it's best to let God hear them first so He can temper them with his Spirit.
This works!. Yes, I am aware I have ignored this advice more than utilized it. Again, I'm learning! It's amazing how our own angry tune changes if we tell God what we'd like to tell our spouses. I feel guitly just telling God in the first place, often, even as the words are flowing out of my mouth, anger subsides. I've found this is even more effective if you actually speak out loud to God in these circumstances. THEN when God has guided you, return to your husband.
We'll close for today. I'm so thankful for this book. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to successfully complete a DP study once this study is done. Surely it won't seem so radical after God has done a bit of work preparing me for DP.
I will continue with that I highlighted in chapter one yesterday. Between discussing what I have marked accompanied by the questions in the workbook, my thought process in my marriage is going to be transformed!
But how do we get past the unforgiveness and critical attitude?
I can't imagine someone having a more critical attitude than I do. I know someone is out there...but I needn't find them. I need to change mine. I desire to be the former owner of a critcal attitude. God is already working in me. When I want to be critical, I can hear the wonderful whisper of our Father guiding me in the right direction. Do I always choose the right path? NO. But God knows our hearts and he knows where my heart wants to go. Each time it gets a little easier. Satan knows my weakspots and I've allowed him to nest in there thinking it's okay because I'm doing it all in the name of love. Wrong again.
There is a time to speak and a time to remail silent.
Silent? How in earth is my husband going to change if I don't tell him how do it? Happy is the man whose wife can discern between the two. Again, what a learning experience! I have taken these concerns to my Father. Yes, he's not working on Dan...it's ME. I always knew I could use some changing; however, I really knew my husband could benefit from his own changing as well.
But hard as it may seem, it's best to let God hear them first so He can temper them with his Spirit.
This works!. Yes, I am aware I have ignored this advice more than utilized it. Again, I'm learning! It's amazing how our own angry tune changes if we tell God what we'd like to tell our spouses. I feel guitly just telling God in the first place, often, even as the words are flowing out of my mouth, anger subsides. I've found this is even more effective if you actually speak out loud to God in these circumstances. THEN when God has guided you, return to your husband.
We'll close for today. I'm so thankful for this book. Maybe, just maybe I'll be able to successfully complete a DP study once this study is done. Surely it won't seem so radical after God has done a bit of work preparing me for DP.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Catching Up
It has been quite some time since my last post. Please know I hadn't forgotten of this blog nor the blogject. It has always been in my heart. So much progress has been made in our family it is unbelieveable.
In November, God called Dan and I to adopt a child from Eastern Europe. We knew the process as a whole would not only take a great toll on our marriage, but build it as well. And the building has far surpassed any hardships we have encountered.
We are learning about each other, praying more, growing closer with the Lord and beginning (finally!) to be Godly examples for our children. We are aware of how we want them to be when they grow up and marry. Forcing us to be better examples, even when we don't want to.
This morning, after having the book set for a while, I began reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. EXCELLENT! I believe, what I am going to do...not only to stay strong in the study, but to create accountability for myself, each day (I'm going to TRY!) to post the parts I highlighted in the chapter for the week. Each week is one chapter. I read the chapter today. I highlighted many key points I know I need to work on...whether I want to or not. God wants me to. My husband wants me to. I want me to. My future daughters in law will be glad I did.
The most effective tool in a transforming him may be your own transformation.
Wow. Really? Yes, it's true. Even since the beginning of this blogject the more *I* began to change, the more my husband began to change. Though it's also easy to slip right back into where you were. Never think you have this part beat. Believe me, the second that arrogant thought enters your mind, prepare for battle.
Submission is something you give from your heart, not something demanded of you.
My husband has never not even once demanded I sumbit. Yes, snide remarks have been made. Rarely. But only recently when he knew submission was something I was working on and we were arguing. It was his ammunition. Okay. I guess it has been a slight more more than never. I'm not complaining, that's for sure. I want to respect and submit to my husband as the head of our household. I won't lie, the majority of the time I don't. But I want to. And I will. It's an exciting journey, and I love adventures!!
How can I pray for you?
It will not be a surprise to you that most men lack in the communication department. *Gasp!* BUT it may surprise you that when asked that very question, they have been known to provide detailed answers! I believe, in my attemps at asking Dan that very question, he has been forced to search motives and feelings. It also helps him to learn a little more about himself he hadn't thought about. Something I get to be the beneficiary of! Thank you Jesus!! Being on the recieving end of my husband realizing something about himself I had known all along is a wonderful present.
Dying to yourself is always painful.
Everyday. Everyday we need to die to ourselves. How easy it is to be caught up in our own lives. How desperately many wives have longed for their husbands to put them first. To bring home flowers, whether the literal or figurative sense daily. To be told we are loved, sought after, thought about...a deep desire of many. I know it has been one of mine and still is. I'm reminded each day I need to die to myself putting the needs of my husband first. God will take care of me.
Welcome to a new journey, each day I'll have a few more tidbits of what I'm learning, realizing, implementing and praying about.
In November, God called Dan and I to adopt a child from Eastern Europe. We knew the process as a whole would not only take a great toll on our marriage, but build it as well. And the building has far surpassed any hardships we have encountered.
We are learning about each other, praying more, growing closer with the Lord and beginning (finally!) to be Godly examples for our children. We are aware of how we want them to be when they grow up and marry. Forcing us to be better examples, even when we don't want to.
This morning, after having the book set for a while, I began reading The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian. EXCELLENT! I believe, what I am going to do...not only to stay strong in the study, but to create accountability for myself, each day (I'm going to TRY!) to post the parts I highlighted in the chapter for the week. Each week is one chapter. I read the chapter today. I highlighted many key points I know I need to work on...whether I want to or not. God wants me to. My husband wants me to. I want me to. My future daughters in law will be glad I did.
The most effective tool in a transforming him may be your own transformation.
Wow. Really? Yes, it's true. Even since the beginning of this blogject the more *I* began to change, the more my husband began to change. Though it's also easy to slip right back into where you were. Never think you have this part beat. Believe me, the second that arrogant thought enters your mind, prepare for battle.
Submission is something you give from your heart, not something demanded of you.
My husband has never not even once demanded I sumbit. Yes, snide remarks have been made. Rarely. But only recently when he knew submission was something I was working on and we were arguing. It was his ammunition. Okay. I guess it has been a slight more more than never. I'm not complaining, that's for sure. I want to respect and submit to my husband as the head of our household. I won't lie, the majority of the time I don't. But I want to. And I will. It's an exciting journey, and I love adventures!!
How can I pray for you?
It will not be a surprise to you that most men lack in the communication department. *Gasp!* BUT it may surprise you that when asked that very question, they have been known to provide detailed answers! I believe, in my attemps at asking Dan that very question, he has been forced to search motives and feelings. It also helps him to learn a little more about himself he hadn't thought about. Something I get to be the beneficiary of! Thank you Jesus!! Being on the recieving end of my husband realizing something about himself I had known all along is a wonderful present.
Dying to yourself is always painful.
Everyday. Everyday we need to die to ourselves. How easy it is to be caught up in our own lives. How desperately many wives have longed for their husbands to put them first. To bring home flowers, whether the literal or figurative sense daily. To be told we are loved, sought after, thought about...a deep desire of many. I know it has been one of mine and still is. I'm reminded each day I need to die to myself putting the needs of my husband first. God will take care of me.
Welcome to a new journey, each day I'll have a few more tidbits of what I'm learning, realizing, implementing and praying about.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
