Peace Be With You

These past few weeks have been about peace for me.  My husband has also joined the quest for peace in our lives both together and individually.  Life is changing for us and we can feel it.  Surely not every moment smells of roses in light breezy air.  In these few days though, when arguments arise, we are both able to desire happiness and oneness.  We are able to calm ourselves quicker and help each other regain peace in our marriage.  A common goal we are working on.  I must admit, for a person who likes to argue, God is certainly showing me how the grass is greener on the other side.  I'm really enjoying the times when we are happy with each other, truly happy. 
My husband has expressed a level of frustration as I have stated in the previous post.  Yesterday he told me he was jealous of how strong I am.  I told him to stop concentrating on my relationship with God, he has the ability to attain whatever relationship he wants with the Lord.  Though he is aware of this, he had no idea where to start.  Remembering this feeling myself when meeting other Christians, we prayed together; an activity we are doing frequently.  A beautiful sight.  The peace of the Lord wraps around us, bringing us closer with each other and closer to the Father who brought us together.  I am so thankful to have such a wonderful, loving, forgiving and gracious Father.  God is so good to us.

Communication without Words

I have a study Bible.  I love it, and think everyone should have at least one.  This morning I have figured out what to get my husband for his birthday especially after last night when he asked me, "How do you study the Bible?"  The question stunned me.  Stunned me because studying my Bible is becoming second nature yet my husband still needs assistance. 
In our marriage class a suggestion to spend time with your spouse is to give them twenty minutes of your day.  Twenty minutes.  We have three children and by nighttime, my husband is falling asleep shortly after they are.  I think I appreciate the quiet more than he does, so I like to stay awake God willing. 
I have noticed me waking my husband up in the mornings before his alarm goes off so I may get some shower time, and time with the Lord.  Why not use that time for our twenty minutes?  While doing the dishes this morning, I expressed to my husband how sorry I was for seeming confrontational yesterday morning.  Aggressive if you will.  All I wanted to do was make conversation.  I asked God to let me try again this morning.  The barriers weren't put up this morning until about four minutes before my husband left for work.  Four minutes.  Frustrated with myself yet again for making my husband feel berated, I opened my Bible.
This morning I choose "Communication" from the index.  One of the topics with the most choices.  Feeling the gentle nudge from God, the this pages rolled through my fingertips and stopped at 42.  The topic of discussion was nonverbal communication. 
The exerpt tells us 58 percent of our communication is nonverbal.  The way we say things accounts for 35 percent of our message.  Our words are only contributing to seven percent of our entire message!  Astounding.  Completely what I needed to see today.  God is showing me how yes, I want to communicate more with my husband, I need to be more aware of how I'm going about it. 
In conversing, we need to be aware of our tone, the wording and how we go about getting our words out.  In listening, I wish my husband would do more than stare and me and grace me with the occasional nodding of his head.  God will help us. 
Yesterdays conversation was more like an interrogation.  This morning's conversation started out well and quickly jumped to condescending.  My husband blankly staring at me.  Four minutes.  In four minutes I went from preparing to send him off to work, to changing his entire mood and talking down to him over pettiness. 
Pastor Jake explained in his message Sunday about having peace in our lives.  If we let the devil get our peace, he will destroy our relationship with God.  How many times do I get worked up over the small things and the devil taints my heart and mind like a drop of oil to water. 
I want peace in my marriage.  I do not want contamination.  I am being reminded more and more this week how much I am the contaminant. 

James 4:2-3  "You do not have because you do not ask God.  When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives."  (NIV)
This verse is keeping me mindful of my prayer time with the Lord.  Choosing with care, the words I use and needs I express to Him. 

Though I feel no difference overall in my marriage by levels of frustration than I did last week, I have spent time in God's word, walking and talking with Him.  Peace and joy from the Lord are replacing the pungency.

Romans 15:13 "May the God of hope full you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."  (NIV)

I am working to be more obedient to our Father and respectful to my husband by working out my kinks.  Choosing peace in my marriage over pettiness.  God is good. 


One good thing my husband did:  Got our sheets from the dryer and made our bed without being asked.

Reflection

After I wrote my first entry today, I wanted to talk to my husband.  Nothing in particular, just converse.  My intentions were well and good, my plan of attack was not well executed.  I was rushed and should have prayed before speaking.  Time was not on our side, so I jumped right in.  At a time where I was trying to make light but important conversation, I created a mildly hostile environment.  No, we did not argue, we let the thick tension between us harden instead of soften.  We did not separate angry as we so often have, we just separated on an odd note.  I should have been gentler with my words.  My husband suggested praying before he left, and the prayer was even cold and ugly.  There was no thanksgiving and love towards our Father, and because I was hardening my heart towards my husband I did not want to hold his hand and pray together and I wanted.  I sneered at his words to the Lord and apologized to God for the way he sounded.  I will spend more time with the Lord myself today in prayer and in his Word.  I look forward to softening the air between my husband and myself.  I cannot sit back and wait for him to do it, when I am most likely the main reason as to why we are in this tangled web in the first place.  I will look to the Lord for the answers.

One good thing my husband did:  Didn't run out the door for work, he stayed and talked to me for a few minutes.

Spirit on the Move

I have been able to spend more time in prayer and in the Word of God this week.  I have been able because I'm no longer making excuses.  Currently, it seems as my marriage is in the deepest valley since the beginning.  My husband and I are both working diligently.  I realized yesterday afternoon God had answered a prayer of ours from a few months ago.  As I've said before, we used to drink often.  We never seemed to have much in common unless we had a beer in our hand.  Lately; however, our hands have been empty.  I'm glad for our recent transformation, though I miss my husband.  We are slowly finding activities to do together.  Yesterday, we volunteered to be bell ringers for the Salvation Army for three hours.  We had a blast.  Laughing until our faces hurt, we stood and rang the familiar bell.  We look forward to doing that again. 
I feel as though the core of the blogject is deeper than I originally sought it out to be.  Truthfully, for the most part, I do not respect my husband the way I should.  Though I am working on it.  I know now this cannot be a completely one sided issue.  We have never been in this situation before:  assuming our rightful, biblical roles.  My husband is not sure how to take the reigns and run with it.  We are making progress.  Sometimes when he asks a question, I ignore him.  What he is doing is putting all the work on me and waiting to reap the outcome.  He needs to take charge, he needs to put his faith in God and believe God will provide him with the tools necessary to be a great husband.  Unfortunately for me, I'm so impatient and think this should be an overnight process instead of small steps of faith.  God is showing me how to be patient, loving, encouraging, and all the while, learning to respect my husband. 
I have missed being eager about this blogject, missed being on fire for the Holy Spirit.  No one is to blame but myself.  This week, I can feel the Spirit moving in my heart and I'm loving it.  I am now able to think about my marriage and believe again of the hope I had in the beginning of this blogject.  God is amazing.

One good thing my husband did:  Let me eat dinner first before we started ringing the bell outside.

Thick Fog

I have taken quite a break from this blogject in both writing and in my home life.  I have no idea what has come over me these past few weeks.  Here I am, ready to start all over again.  A proverbial "do over" as we said when we were kids.  This past week has been tiring; physically, spiritually, mentally.  Admittedly, I have barely prayed to God, barely spent any special time with Him as I so enjoy.  I would look at my Bible and say, "just one more thing and then..."  This happend all week.  One day though, I did try.  Everything I read made no sense and didn't apply to me at the time.  I knew in my heart my prayers weren't heartfelt, it was better than nothing, a start if you will.  When I was done with my "one more thing" I just wanted to sit and enjoy the quiet I worked so hard for.  The quiet God provided for me, opening his arms, asking me to come and spend some time with Him.  I felt ashamed for ignoring His invitation. 
I felt like I was losing my mind this evening.  The flip side of the coin was my husband and I were actually enjoying family time for the first time in what seemed to be an eternity. 
In our marriage class we covered a part teaching us how husbands need to pull their wives in closer when the wives are angry or hurt.  The concept is easy to grasp and difficult to implement.  Tonight, for the first time ever I reminded my husband and he obliged!  He kneeled down next to me on the couch, put his arm around me and prayed for me.  Just beforehand, I looked at him and confessed how I felt as though I have forgotten how to pray.  The distance growing between us was not only my husband's fault, but mine too.  It just took me this long to see it.  My husband has tried prayer this week together and I felt I had nothing to add.  He was right for saying he needed to pray.  I was feeling rather self righteous and didn't need our Father like he did.  Not only did I need him as well, I probably needed him more.  I turned my back when I needed to run in their direction.  I will work harder this week to bridge the gap.  I know I need to open my heart to the Lord and stop putting "one more thing" in between He and I. 

One good thing my husband did:  He prayed for me when I couldn't pray for myself. 

Half in the Water

The weekend was long and rough.  The end proved to be enlightening and a glimmer of hope glistened through the thick fog.  Once again, for the first time since beginning this blogject, I got to sip coffee with my very dear friend.  She helps me to see when I'm misguided maritially. 
I returned with a softer view.  Undoubtedly, I'm not ready to run into my husband's arms and go about our merry way.  I am ready to pray more, for him, for me, for our marriage.  This morning I began a fast.  I'm not sure how long this will last.  I know God wants to show me faithfulness. 
Exactly unknown of when it began, a strange feeling of being unsure has began clouding my judgement.  In my heart I know God can do all things.  All things.  What makes us think He is not capabale, willing to work on us?  God did not design my marriage to my husband to have it be miserable forever.  I need to contain the faith I know of, heard of, read of in my heart and turn my worries to prayers to the Lord.  He is reigning over my marriage.  Proverbs 3 I believe is where I will spend some time with the Lord at the completion of this entry.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5 (NRSV)  There is much both before and after that verse in which I need to rely upon.  I believe God is showing me my struggle is lasting much longer because I will not trust fully in Him.  I have given and taken back my worries from God's hands.  This week I will diligently work to build my faith and build my love.  Pray I will give my worries to God and gain a stronger faithfullness with Him.
I feel much like Peter right now.  I feel the winds and see the waves.  Last week I called out to Jesus, much like Peter asking him to "save me."  Jesus has reached his loving hands into the water and finally I have been able to see them through the storm of doubt.  The fierce, cold splashes of disbelief of how far God will go for us are calming. 
This is going to be a great week.

One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Let me go out for coffee with a friend.

Feeding the Fire

The fire for the Lord, that is.  Yesterday I tossed my Bible time hiatus, and felt the embrace of our loving Father.  Yes, my husband and I are still distant.  We are both aware, and both desire the closeness.  I'm not concentrating on how he intends to go about fixing it.  I know I need to spend time with the Lord everyday.  I was thankful to spend time in my Ephesians self bible study yesterday and felt the warmth of the fire growing around me.  Today, when I am finished with this I will return.  I desire to get back on track feeling love and companionship with my husband.  Again, our God is showing me how I need to work on His time.  I told a friend yesterday how it seems if there is a deadline on something I am waiting for, it happens on the 23rd hour of the last day.  She laughed, knowing God is working in me.  Reminding me how I do not work on my own time.  I don't fit God into my schedule, He should be my schedule.  Involved in all my choices, all my thoughts.  God designed our marriage, He wants it work.  Clearly my husband and I have many lessons to learn from our Father on this journey. 


One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Worked a little overtime on a Friday.

Switching Sides

I think in a marriage people have two sides:  a close side and a far side.  Unless we as married people use the same side together, the close side, distance will occur.  If one spouse is choosing close and the other is choosing far, far will happen.  If both spouses are choosing far, far will happen.  However, if both spouses are choosing close, close will happen.  So many times in arguments or disagreements we want to push the other away.  I have expressed a desire to be pulled close.  We cannot pull ourselves alone.  We need a tool of some sort, preferably the strong, loving arms of our spouse.  Though my husband is aware of what I have asked for, I have yet to receive it.  I need to stop concentrating on why he hasn't done what I want, and concentrate on what I can do with God to facilitate the process.  So many times we sit and blame the other person when we are ignoring ourselves.  Matthew 7:5 says, "You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye."  (NRSV)  God is showing me I need to realize a few small steps does not make a long walk.  My few steps I have taken with the Lord on this particular walk has not made me reach my destination, though it has brought me closer.  A concept, I simply realized a moment ago.  A concept I'm sure which will take time to let sink in.  I will boldly endure this journey. 

One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Sat with me and tried talking.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...

But in a marriage?  Over the past week a deep distance has been becoming between my husband and I.  I'm not even aware of how it has happened.  The beginning of the week proved to be englightening for us.  He had seen part of my blog and was aware of how much I loved him.  At least he said as much.  One night we even read the Bible together.  Yes, it was awkward and I was so tired to get into great discussions or share much insight.  I thought it would be something we would work on together even slowly.  I think part of the problem was I expected something.  I had felt this would be a great week where we would take a small step in our faith walk together.  I couldn't have been more wrong.
The week proved to be a time to grow apart.  I have felt completely off synch with my heart, with my husband.  I made attempts to discuss my feelings with my husband.  Discuss not argue.  Each attempt frustrating, pushing us farther apart.  My husband would roll his eyes, sigh and pretend to listen.  I felt so hurt he was unwilling to work on us. 
The next morning I was distant.  Yet still containing the desire to move forward in our marriage.  I made small attempts with my husband.  In return, he got up and left early for work.  Not only was I feeling low on his list, I was now aware I was still below his work.  I sat on the floor, tears dripping from my cheeks, I looked up at the door hoping he would come back in and know I was hurting.  Wrong again.
I would also like to add, I believe this was the second day I chose not to read the Bible.  Somehow I still believe I can skip a day or two and nothing will come of it.  Wrong again. 
Not only was I feeling distant from my husband, I was creating a terrible distance between myself and God.  The fire I was feeling for the Lord in the beginning of the week was dwindling down below a low roar.  I knew deep down I needed to grab some time with Him and listen to what He was trying to tell me.  This entire passage from Galations 6:7-9 describes my week.  "Do not be deceived; God is not mocked, for you reap whatever you sow.  If you sow to your own flesh, you will reap corruption from the flesh; but if you sow to the Spirit, you will reap eternal life from the Spirit.  So let us not grow weary in doing what is right, for we will reap at harvest time, if we do not give up."  (NRSV)
I'm not saying because I chose not to spent time with the Lord did he cause this to happen in our marriage, I'm conveying my realization of how quickly we are no longer filled with the Spirit when we do not recharge ourselves daily.  Had I spent more time with the Lord, He would have given me the tools necessary to push through another day with my husband.  The man God himself designed specificially for me. 

One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Helped get the kids ready that night.

Give to Get

How many times have we not given to our spouse loving acts because we feel we won't receive it in return?  My husband and I have had this argument many, many times.  In discussion, I have told my husband what I wanted what I needed from him to feel important, loved, cherished by him.  In our marriage, I have been left feeling alone and needing him to come through for me.  Showing me no matter what cards we are dealt he will be there fighting with me and for me when I cannot.
Many are aware of the five love languages:  Words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch.  My husband's love language is physical touch.  Not in the in the bedroom sense.   I remember not wanting to hug, kiss, hold hands, rub his back anything meeting his love language needs.  I felt if he wanted me to do that for him, I should want to.  Afterall, how could I want to when I was feeling alone, uncherished, unloved?  I believed HE should be the one to initiate the sequence of giving before I should. 
Reality is, somewhere I still believe this to be true.  God is showing me through is Word as proof and this blogject for my realization I need to give regardless if I'm getting. 
This leads be back to my earlier post of receving my deepest needs from God.  Asking Him to provide me with the tools necessary to be a Godly wife for my husband.  The problem lies, I want some of my reward here on Earth.  I believe becoming a submissive wife and respecting my husband on a constant basis will be rewarding here on Earth, and my husband will eventually achieve what I want in our marriage for us.  I also need to realize what I want now from him may not be what God desires of my husband for me.  I will remember to open my heart and open my mind to God's will, not my own.

Simultaneous Feelings

In my experience thus far in our marriage, this rarely happens.  Creating a tense environment of frustration and anger.  I was reading this week's chapter on Unity in our marriage prayer book and a sentence popped out at me.  I remembered in the first entry of this blogject, I mentioned I had bitterness in my heart against my husband.  "If something happens to one of you, it happens to both of you."  (p 128)  Here is where my tension levels begin to rise.  Since my husband and I began dating, anything that happened to me was my issue.  He really did leave me hanging.  I'm not bringing this up to have a husband bashing blog, I'm trying to figure out how to forgive.  I will not go through the bitter list in my head, one issue stands out far above the others as time passes on. 
Here is the short version:
When I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in April 2008 my husband, our 2 kids, and a great family friend went to my doctor's appointment.  Obviously someone had to stay out with the kids.  I chose my husband. I know the obvious reaction:  how terrible I am for choosing someone over my husband!  Believe me, my husband felt the same way.  During the diagnosis process my husband practically ignored the entire issue.  The family friend researched treatments, doctors, symptoms.  She and I did all we could to learn as much as possible.  My husband ignored the idea altogether.  I was hurt he had no intention of wanting to be involved in my care.  So when I made my decision, I was doing what was right for me.  I had the person who would ask questions, who would empathasize, who would know exactly what the doctor was wanting of me to proceed with medications and care.  When the visit was over, medication prescribed, tests ordered we left the office.  My husband came back in the building while I was waiting in line to get information for my new medication.  Never once did he ask how things went, never once did he ask how I was doing.  He stood there, glaring at me, stewing over his anger I didn't chose him.  I was just diagnosed with a disease that could paralyze me at any moment and he selfishly stood there.  Obviously I haven't gotten past that day.  Since the day I was diagnosed, my husband still forgets I have Multiple Sclerosis.  He does not step up to the plate and help me on days when I am exhausted, sore, or some limbs don't work as well.  Currently, this is not a surfaced issue in our lives, after reading that sentence that moment popped into my head. 
I also need to remember something I've heard both in the past and recently.  A concept I am unable to grasp quite yet, only instead of being far off in the distance, I can see it's just out of my clutches.  I do not need to look to my husband to supply my deepest needs, I need to look to God.  Philippians 4:19 says, "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."  (NIV)  I have not turned to God in a way I need to to help me in this matter and some others.  Clinging to this bitterness I have in my heart against my husband is not what God wants of me.  What I concentrated on in the past was how much my husband wasn't doing what God wanted of him in that situation.  I wasn't put first.  Instead of creating more room for the sourness of grudges, I need to free them from my heart and give that room to the love of God and and my husband.
To date, I have not genuinely asked God for His help in these issues residing in my heart.  James 1:5 "If any of you lacks winsdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."  (NIV)  Pray that I am able to ask God genuinely for His help in this matter. 


One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Put away dinner without being asked.

Polar Opposites

Not just my husband and I, but issues we take on in our marriage.  Some days when we are working on something together we really feel like two peas in a pod.  Others, I don't even understand how we are able to live in the same house without committing a crime.  Hard times have struck two members of our family.  These two members do not know Jesus at all.  Sure, they know who he is, it ends there.  We desire so much for them to learn to fellowship with the Lord the way He intended.  I am excited to be a part of this.  We do not know what our Father has in store for anyone in this matter, we are aware this is not only an opportunity for them to learn to walk with the Lord, it's an opportunity for us to do something together. 
When my husband and I began our marriage prayer class, a prayer request we shared was to find activities to do without alcohol.  We had found ourselves only having good conversations and good sex when beer was a component of our evening.  Weeks are now able to pass and we don't even think about beer.  Sure, an occasional, "boy a cold one would be nice" pops into our head.  As quickly as the thought entered, it's gone.  We are so thankful God has provided opportunities with us to have game nights, Bible studies, Polish lessons (an at home self study, we have let slide...oops!) we are able to pray together (still working on that), and study the Bible together (also in progress).  We live in a constant state of amazement and love for God opening so many wonderful doors.  Our desires we shared presented opportunities for us to glorify God on a constant, steady basis.  Of course this transition has seemed easy.  Psalm 37: 4 tells us, "Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart."  (NRSV)  God gave us exactly what we asked for in prayer. 
Not everyday is easy.  In fact, most days are a trial.  Though the transition seemed easy we have other mountains to move.  We need to work on moving the mountains together instead of each of us wanting the mountain moved, believing we can pick a side and just start pushing.  We need to realize, accept and put into play picking a side together instead of apart. 
 I am aware of the importance of being a submissive wife in our marriage. This transition has been the hardest on me.  I think I forget more days than I remember.  I am assured through diligence and God's rock-like faithfullness in me, my practices will become permanent. 
Our pastor's message on Sunday also refreshed me, aiding the sureness of small steps not leaps of faith. 
I thank the Lord for this opportunity to even realize what is happening to us. We are able to give Him thanks for His works through our marriage.


One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Stayed even later at work to give a driving test, and meeting a fellow Christian in the process.

The Cat is Out of the Bag

Yes, he knows.  I wasn't planning on tell my husband for a long time what I was working on.  However, Sunday afternoon we were amidst a discussion and I practically felt God yelling at me to let my husband in.  He only read a few posts from the beginning.  I expressed how I was going to continue my blogject, and how I wouldn't be comfortable discussing it with him in the future.  By the time I cut him off from the entries, he was almost in tears.  His face was full of elation he was unable to find words to describe how he was feeling.  The only words which kept flowing were, "You really do love me."  Duh.  He followed up with expressing no matter what I said to him, or how I acted towards him, he really felt I was just putting on a front for him and pretending to be in this marriage.  Needless to say, I was shocked at his reaction and couldn't even understand how he could feel that way, when he knew of other issues I had been diligently working on in our marriage for him, for us, for God.  He thanked me for letting him into my personal world.  In the few days which have passed, he hasn't brought up this blogject again.  I'm greatful for that. 

Wardrobe Malfunction

Submission in a marriage can mean so many things.  I remember hearing the word Submission a long time ago and associating it with being weak, dependent, and having no feeling of self.  I was raised by a single mother.  A strong and fierce woman who could take the world on and never know her own strengths.  Though my mother believed in God, I don't think she ever took the time to really fellowship with Him.    Now, when I look back, it's wasn't solely my mother who pulled herself up.  God delivered my mother through tough times.  I remember a friend of her's told me after she passed away, she never had to worry about me with my future husband.  (we were married a few months after she died)  "Tammy wears the pants in that relationship, she'll be fine."  She said.  I ate that sentence up so quickly, I continued to reside in the pants wearing role for years.  I'm finally changing clothes.  What my mother failed to see was how much we need to be dependent upon another being.  Especially dependent upon our Father.  He wants us to need Him!  Matthew 21:22 tell us, "Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive."  (New Revised Standard Version)  I have not spent much time in prayer asking God to transform me into my role as a submissive wife.  Yes, I spend time in prayer.  Though I'm forgetting I need to take this to my Father.  I know, I believe, I'm doing God's will by desiring my role; yet I will not be delivered if I do not ask.  This realization may very well be what has been hindering my heart to follow the will of God.  I am aware of the trials, I am aware how my tongue isn't tamed.  I am now also aware God is longing for me to come to Him and ask for more.  More strength, more patience, more appreciation for submission in my marriage.  I am so thankful God showed me that night in the coffee shop almost a month ago the start of how he wanted me to be in my marriage.  In the beginning, I thought that would be enough.  I am so thankful God is unveiling slowly just how I am to go about this blogject.  I like tasks completed immediately, I am not a waiter.  God is teaching me through his will, the realization of reconstructing my words to actions. I am unaware exactly how He will do this with me, I am faithful he will be guiding my journey.  God truly is amazing, and everyday more light is shining upon Him through my new and growing love and admiration.  His Word is right:  "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13 (NRSV)

One Good Thingn My Husband Did:  Got up with our early rising son without moaning.  (And since I got up too, we enjoyed a few minutes of peace together)

Filling in the Gap

I attended a women's speaking event today.  Unable to remember the complete title, it was about doing too much work, not enough work, and when to rest.  If you know me at all, I do not rest.  I am a person who believes if I don't do it (regardless of what it is) it won't get done.  How conceited of me!  Am I that far above our Father in Heaven I do not have faith He will help me with my daily chores?  Certainly not. 
Arrogance aside, another key point (and there were many) the speaker made was reminding us to not intervene with the Lord.  It's okay and important for us to be sympathetic/empathetic of other people's feelings in different situations.  We may want to urge a situation along, feel it's our place to step in and "help" a person we clearly see is in need.  And it absolutely must be us to save them.  Though our Heavenly Father does indeed call us to help his children (and be helped), He does not do it for all situations right away.  For how are we to learn lessons, develop a stronger relationship with Christ if we have no true need for Him in the first place?
A marriage fits into these key points so well.  First, I have been made aware though I am participating in this blogject, I'm not always the team player I set out for.  I work and work and work keeping myself busy, not letting time for God to speak to me on a regular basis.  Sure, I devote time out of my day to pray and spend time in His word, the problem is:  I'm doing it at my convenience.  I'm not being quiet and listening.  I'm practically telling God I can schedule him in at certain times to hear him and absorb his wants for me.  Oh me of little faith!  Admittedly, giving up these habits will indeed be difficult.  I will need reminders so often the post-it's are permanently embedded into my memory.  I will have to come full circle with my goal I chose in the marriage prayer class:  to live in the light and Lordship of God in my everyday life.  Scratch that..my every minute life. 

One Good Thing My Husband Did:  played with our oldest son without turning on the television!

It's Only Skin Deep...

Irritation that is.  Why do I let it burrow and make itself at home?  Because I can.  Because it's habit.  I have no other real reason.  Thankfully my dear friend was with me last night and kept me from making too many (isn't one too many, though?)  snide comments.  Feelings of angst and frustration immediately wanted to fly at my husband.  I don't even have a valid reason!  I could have easily taken him aside and spoken softly and kind asking if there was anything I could do to help him have a better night.  Mind you, he was not having  a bad night; however, he later commented  about his mind racing and with the children playing loudly and nearby concentration was hard to come by.  Once again I was reminded of how our hindsight is always 20/20.  A cliche I abhor, yet have no other way of describing.  Tired I am of realizing how I am not holding up my end of the bargain.  Before retiring to bed, I learned from my husband my previously mentioned frustration wasn't even valid.  Please I was in myself to not act upon my feelings.  I understand it's a process, I'm tired of falling.  I desire to rise above and actually meet the goal I intended.  Though only 26 days in, the blogject seems much longer.  I will continue to plug away.  I'm learning so much about myself in this blogject.  I didn't see that coming at all when I set sail.  God is amazing.

One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Peeled potatoes for dinner when he knew I was sore and tired.

Worship

I remember telling my husband a while back how I wished we would make God the center of our marriage.  Not exactly knowing how to do it, how to get started, or what it would eventually feel like, I knew what it looked like through other Christian couples; I knew I wanted what they had.
Months have passed and we are finally working on this task together.  This week's chapter in our marriage prayer class was about worshipping in your marriage.  Worshipping in our everyday lives, not merely Sunday mornings for our weekly top off.  How great it was to see in writing exactly what I was yearning for a lifetime ago.  How rewarding it was to see on print things we have already began to implement in our marriage!  In our class we have couples who have been married for over 30 years and a couple, like us, married less than a decade.  Great is the adversity between everyone in the group. 
The end of the class provided a task by the administrators:  to pick something off the list and implement it this week within our lives and marriages.  Previous days experiences proved which activity I needed to activate:  "Live each moment in light of the presence and Lordship of God."  Already a task I know I had attempted, already a task I know needed improvement.  Each moment, two words lighting up and flashing at me as I read the board.  Easily we say how God is in each moment of our lives, and even easier it is for us to forget in a moment of anger.  Each moment.  What a daunting task!  Rewarding it will be to implement, practice and make permanent within my life and within my marriage. 

One good thing my husband did:  Put the finishing touches on dinner so I could get everyone ready to go on our busy night. 

In General

I have nothing major to report it seems.  Excuses aside, here I sit lost with nothing to report.  I would love to say it's because things have been going exemplary in my blogject; however, I haven't seen my husband much over the past few days.  Can't fight when you don't see each other, right?  Well we know that part isn't true. 
I will work my hardest to recap our weekend, to free the cobwebs from my memory.  Saturday began quite well with us.  The morning was filled with fun, family time, overall happiness.  My husband even commented about how today was going to be a great day.  I agreed.  We even sat together trying to plan a vacation next year for our family.  A task I myself generally take on alone as he has no overall interest and I love to plan them.  A suggestion from our marriage prayer classes nudged my husband to sit beside me and aid in the process.  I enjoyed it.  He was right, today was going to be a great day.  Simple things began to escalate and were blown out of proportion.  I believe my husband made reference to me not apologizing for something, and vehemently helped us both to remember how in the past, I apologized very little.  Instead of immediately reminding my husband that was indeed in the past I told him two could play this game if he wanted to go down memory lane.  I don't know what stopped me, well I do...God in all His mighty pulled my words from my mouth and refused to let them out.  Praise Him!  For had they exited, a battle would have been fought much larger than the loud disagreement occuring in our living room.
I went outside and prayed.  I told God I wanted to stay mad, though I knew He didn't want me to stay angry.  At the end of my prayer I felt a big rejuvenated and returned to my husband.  He did not pray.  Later, he expressed how he wished he had. 
Overall, the major escalation stemmed from me saying something extremely hurtful to my husband I never meant.  I said it as I was walking out the door.  So while I was going outside to seek God's guidance, I still got my last jab in beforehand.  Not a practice I recommend.
My husband has a tendency to say, "I'm sorry" a thousand times too many.  When these apologies are not accompanied by actions, the words are meaningless to me.  When I do not apologize to my husband right away, he gets angry and full of resentment.  He wants immediate reparations.  He wants words regardless of whether I am ready or not.  He feels he can't move forward until he hears an apology.  I on the other hand, know I am sorry, and want to talk more and calm down.  If I apologized and didn't mean it in my heart, it's meaningless to me.  We clash here greatly.  We're not sure how we're going to work together in those instances, we just know it must be done. 
I told my husband later in conversation how much I need to feel important to him.  He feels his presence alone tells me I'm important.  I'm not trying to paint him as arrogant, I believe he has a tainted view of how marriages should be.  Neither of us had great role models for Christian marriages growing up.  God provides us with a great marriage manual, his Word!  We have no crutch to stand on when the word of God is ready and waiting for us at any moment.  Praise the Lord for providing. 
A great step forward was made yesterday with my husband.  I was leaving to spend some time with a member of his family.  I wanted to pray for her and share God's word with her.  Not something I have ever done outside of our home.  A big step in my walk with Christ.  I was both excited and nervous.  Though I knew it had to be done.  I didn't want to be deceived by Satan thinking it was okay to not proclaim God's power because I was embarrassed or scared of rejection.  I asked my husband to pray for me while I was gone.  "I'd be glad to!"  He responded.  Walking out the door, he looked up and asked, "Do you want to pray before you leave?"  "Absolutely!"  He said a quick and poingant prayer asking God to guide my heart and words and make my visit meaningful.  I was so impressed with my husband, and so proud of him!  He is growing in his faith!  No longer is he the tiny infant just beginning his walk with Christ, he is moving forward.  We are moving forward together.

One good thing my husband did Friday:  Took the boys trick or treating
Saturday:  Thanked me for joining them during more trick or treating
Sunday:  Took
Monday:  Took the boys outside to play
Tuesday:  Prayed for me.