Stepping Up My Game

I want so desperately to tell my husband of this mission.  Him knowing would ruin it all, it's most definitely too soon.  After a week of blogging he finally asked me yesterday when he would find out what I was doing.  I just said, "in time, it's too soon.  God will let me know." 
I want him to know for all the wrong reasons.  I want  him to know how hard I'm working.  So then, maybe, he would want to work hard too.  That's not how this is supposed to work.  God is working in
me because I am ready to let him. 
My husband and I really have few things to talk about with each other.  Vehemently, I explained to him how I will no longer be talking to him.  WHAT?!  Yeah, noticeably I did not pray before this conversation and all the words came out wrong.  I tried to calm down and explain my intentions.  I was not effective.  The end of the night approached, I was able to let God do my talking.  God helped me to explain to my husband what I had meant earlier, and my intentions were actually good.  I began by apologizing if it came came out wrong.  Calmly claiming he understood, I continued.  I followed, clairifying how God is working within me and I need to let Him.  The old wife my husband was married to before this blogject is disintegrating, slowly, and God is rebuilding another.  I continued by resolving I would not simply ignore my husband.  Times when I would love to give a piece of my mind  I'm simply going to, "let go and let God."  Who was I ever to think I could change my husband?  Noticeably, I had even admitted to this in the beginning last week, yet here I sit admitting I haven't let go. 
Presently it seems God is working overtime with my heart, and He may desire to work in my husband's as well; however, without his permission, God can only wait at the door to his heart.  I have to be the example and show my husband God works miracles in us- if we don't leave the answering machine pick up when He calls upon us.  I know, I am faithful, I believe in time our marriage will be a paragon for others. 
In speaking to a wonderful friend of mine yesterday, I explained how I was finding irritation in my marriage and I actually knew it was not my husband's fault.  Praise God!  For I knew I had slipped in the past few days, God showed me, in the first week, not everything is my husband's blunder.  I knew I had not worked as arduously as I first set out.  It was as evident as not spending time in God's Word.  When we don't do that, when we slip for a few days, our outward lives reflect what our heart's are lacking.  This, a new week in my blogject, regardless of how I feel my husband should be doing things, I will step up my game.