Half in the Water

The weekend was long and rough.  The end proved to be enlightening and a glimmer of hope glistened through the thick fog.  Once again, for the first time since beginning this blogject, I got to sip coffee with my very dear friend.  She helps me to see when I'm misguided maritially. 
I returned with a softer view.  Undoubtedly, I'm not ready to run into my husband's arms and go about our merry way.  I am ready to pray more, for him, for me, for our marriage.  This morning I began a fast.  I'm not sure how long this will last.  I know God wants to show me faithfulness. 
Exactly unknown of when it began, a strange feeling of being unsure has began clouding my judgement.  In my heart I know God can do all things.  All things.  What makes us think He is not capabale, willing to work on us?  God did not design my marriage to my husband to have it be miserable forever.  I need to contain the faith I know of, heard of, read of in my heart and turn my worries to prayers to the Lord.  He is reigning over my marriage.  Proverbs 3 I believe is where I will spend some time with the Lord at the completion of this entry.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.  In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths."  Proverbs 3:5 (NRSV)  There is much both before and after that verse in which I need to rely upon.  I believe God is showing me my struggle is lasting much longer because I will not trust fully in Him.  I have given and taken back my worries from God's hands.  This week I will diligently work to build my faith and build my love.  Pray I will give my worries to God and gain a stronger faithfullness with Him.
I feel much like Peter right now.  I feel the winds and see the waves.  Last week I called out to Jesus, much like Peter asking him to "save me."  Jesus has reached his loving hands into the water and finally I have been able to see them through the storm of doubt.  The fierce, cold splashes of disbelief of how far God will go for us are calming. 
This is going to be a great week.

One Good Thing My Husband Did:  Let me go out for coffee with a friend.