Someone, "slipped me a mickey" and topped my stir fry with it last night. A very dear friend of mine suggested my husband and I read every man's battle Every Man's Guide to... Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at at Time I loathe this book. My friend, when discussing this before we read it, described how it was written for men but it helped her to think of men as human and not pigs. I can't say the same is being done for me. She says I need to pray about it and keep an open mind, I say I need to pound every man with this book over the head. Lo and behold, last night I began praying.
I have always wanted to believe my husband loved only me. Not even wanting to remotely look at other women. After reading this book (it's certainly taking me some time, my husband has been done with it for a while) I've learned some upsetting things. Women are objects. Even wives to their husbands. Not only do we need to make sure we dress conservatively outside of home so some other man doesn't lust after us, we need to still be dressing appropriately for our husbands. Men are apparently on a 72 hour cycle sexually. The idea here is that if a woman has sex with her husband at least every 72 hours, the risk of temptation is lowered for her husband. He will not actively seek out billboards, ads, women on the street, as he is being satisfied sexually at home. In fact, one woman claims we need to be that "release" for our husbands. I am not a release. I am to be respected, loved, cherished. Another woman declared she even made sure her husband had her help when she was very tired, wasn't feeling well. Reverberations of that exerpt had me through the roof. Echoes of my response had my husband thankful he wasn't home while I was reading. Laughing he responded, "I think I'm genuinely afraid of you right now."
Not feeling well? I don't care if you are pent up, why do you not care I am sick? I can feel the rouge ascend my cheeks as I type. Matthew 5:28 states, "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (NIV) I understand marriage is a partnership. I understand we need to support our husbands. I understand God is calling me to submission. And with my best two year old impression, I want to respond flailing on the floor screaming, "but I don't want to!" Though I know if we ignore our father's desires for our marriage, we will not flourish.
I went to bed last night minutes after my husband, minutes. I did not so much as receive a good night kiss, a light touch, or acknowledgement I was remotely in the same bed as he. I can guarantee if I had uttered the word sex he would have been awake, fully aware, and ready to go. Saddened, I prayed. Prayed God would help me not feel like an object during this next phase of my project. Decidedly I'm diving in. We're going to give this 72 hour thing a try. No, I'm not telling my husband-he'll run up and down the streets skipping with glee thus making this next phase bleed from pressure. I am going to devote my day today for reflection and prayer. Verifying this is where God wants me to go. Though deep down I know where he wants me. "Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control." 1 Corinthians 7:5 (NIV)
This verse alone answers questions I never asked.
1. A husband and a wife do need to have sex often
2. Men lack self control
3. They will be tempted elsewhere
I am responding. I said yesterday I would step up my game. I am taking a stand for our marriage. I want to complain more and have things go my way. Past experience shows this does not work. Isn't the definition of instanity doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results? I have tried to fix our marriage in every known way to me. The results are still the same each time. I do know, "I can do everything through him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 (NIV) Desperately wanting to give this mini project a timeline, I'm reminded of something I once heard: if you want to upset God, give him a timeline. Our pastor said something along those lines (which is why they aren't in quotes, I'm not really sure). God is calling me to submit to my husband on another level and believe me I don't want to. I want to be selfish and wait for my husband to realize he needs to care about me and my needs. We all know, when God calls us, we need to answer. I will weed the garden of my sinful nature, provide it with good soil, and reap the harvest from God in our marriage. I will submit.
One Good Thing My Husband Did Today: He went to his meeting and bragged about my stir-fry.
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Hmmm, so many things that I want to tell you about this, I don't know where to start...
ReplyDeleteThis book is hard medicine. But one thing it did for me was give me compassion for my husband and every other man on the planet...What I didn't realize was how visual men are, and how exceedingly pervasive sex is in our culture. Imagine that you are a man, trying your best to have pure thoughts and intentions! How incredibly difficult that would be!! Even if you avoided the obvious temptaions (movies, TV shows, the beach, internet, etc.), you can't not go to Walmart. You can't sequester yourself in the summertime so that you don't see cleavage and short shorts. Having this addiction is a lot like being a food addict...it's something that you have to encounter it in some way or shape. You can't escape it. Dressing modestly (which simply means not letting it all hang out) is an expression of love to my brothers in the Lord...I willingly give up my "right" to wear what pleases me, and do what is best for them.
It is a hard concept for us to grasp, because we aren't made that way. Believe me, I've had it out with God before, tossed the Bible across the room because of the "due benevolence" verse in 1 Cor 6. I've wondered why in the WORLD would God make them that way, I mean, COME ON!! And, I can't say that it doesn't bother me, that a guy's attention is so easily turned from the woman he loves into thinking "hubba Hubba" about someone else. But I really think the key is Prayer, and it's wonderful that you are turning to the Lord...you ask him, and he will give you compassion for your husband and your brothers in Christ regarding this issue...and perhaps a little understanding as well.
Interestingly enough, when men cheat physically, it's not for sex. It's due to lack of respect, almost every single time. Women? Because of lack of emotional fulfillment. That says to me that we (as husbands and wives)need to strive to give each other what we so long for. It is hard. But I know it is worth it. And, you do your part. Just do it, with no expectations on his end. God will honor your willingness and obedience! =)